taaury

The last time I through caution to the winds was around Jan. I was sick and it was my best friend Katie's 19th. So I went to the party, and drank it a little too much. I felt fine for a while, and slowly I began to feel blah. Later that night, because I cannot remember anything, I was brought home by my other best friend. The next day I felt like shit. I could not stop vomitting, or get out of bed, and my room was trashed. They had to call an ambulance for me, and I spent the night in the hospital. The lesson learned here, be there for your friends, without alcohol involved. By the way, it was not alcohol poising as you may assume, that landed me there, but the fact that I had a 103.7 fever, and my stomach was screwed bu the virus, I had. You live. You learn.

So here I sit in front of my laptop, wondering about another blow dealt to me. I just don't know anymore. I feel like sometimes I am kicked when I am down. I have been feeling iffish lately. So yesterday after more symptoms, I had it checked. It turns out I have a rapid heartbeat, aka an irregular heartbeat. This is a scary feeling. I can literally hear it beating in my chest, there is no pain, but it weirds me out a little. This year I want to get my own car, but I can't be passing out obviously. Im scared. I never get scared, it is an emotion that I supressed after my accident. So I am currently keeping this a secret from my friends, which is killing me. And of course, Wal. Im afraid to tell him, since he just went through his illness. So what should I do, tell my friends, who were already burdened during my accident, or keep it to myself, and just deal? Comments please.

I think I am a more mature person than I was a decade ago. I have learned to look past the b.s. in life and realize what is important. When I was 16, I thought that the world sucked and that it was not worth my time. Typical teenage crap, plus that was the year I almost drowned, so that kind of put life in perspective.  When I was about 21, I met the guy I  thought was the love of my life. Yea, so not true. We dated for about 3 years and he cheated on me, several times. You live, and learn. We are kind of friends now, but I will never fully trust him again. In July of that same year, I met Walter. He is now the reason that I am they way I am. He is my Prince Charming, and without him, I would be nothing. He has made me stronger, held my hand when I was sick, kissed my tears, and made me believe that I could be loved. Last year, I almost lost that, forever. He was diagnosed with cancer, and rather than be with me, he disappeared for about 3 months, no one mentioned him, I honestly gave up, I called him, no answer, no nothing. I began to accept that maybe he had died, and no one told me. Well about a week later, under missed calls, the name Wal appears. no message, but it was hope. Later that day, he left one, and to hear his voice was all I needed. No more awful feeling in my stomach. He surprised me the next day, by showing up at my job. And although I was angry, nothing felt better than to see and touch and feel him. We have basically been inseparable since, I love him with all my heart. About a yr, and a half ago I had an accident, it left me with some memory loss, a bruised spine and a different way of seeing things, this accident has changed the way I look at people. I am also not as happy as I once was, and I trust very fews people. I have 2 best friends who I trust my life and secrets, and my best girlfriend, and then my other friends, everyone else is pretty secondary to me. Then I have my job where, well yea, I will leave it as that. Shady ass people. Whatever, I am an adult, and clearly even though some of them are over 18, they don't act like it. I really dont care if people like me, live my life for a couple of days, and then talk to me. l am spoiled and honestly, I don't care, because when I was younger, I was sick, so I am enjoying things later in life. I take care of my own business, and in a decade, I think that is what matters most.

My favorite movie as a child was probably "Gremlins". I don't know why, but now it is not. My favorite movie now is "While You Were Sleeping", because when  you least expect it, you find love with your opposite. Which in some cases is a good thing =). I am one of those people who believes in sappy love stories <3

I do believe in love at first sight. I think it depends upon the situation. My boyfriend, said he knew from the moment I met him, it was love. I had to let the relationship mature a bit, but I can't imagine my life without him. We are 30+ years apart, he was fresh off a separation, and I was nursing my broken heart from my ex. First time we met, I wasnt so sure, but he would protect me. Then 6 months after meeting we became a couple. 12.23.05, is the day my heart became whole again, and I met my soul mate. I love my Gator, always <3

   So my teeth still freakin hurt =(  I am going to the dentist on Wed, so I actually taste my food at my bday dinner. I was having a bad day at work, and get a call from my mom, talking about me getting a $711 in the mail. Not gonna lie, I was pretty gassed about it. Money coming at a time when I need shit the most. Like a gift from God. =)   So anyways life is starting to look up, spending the 4th with my guy =) <3. He is basically my world. I love him more than anything, and I know that he loves me, just on a different level. He is my kinda soulmate, someone that will be in my life no matter what forever. I finally got my GPA up to something respectable, I work freakin hard, and I just  need more time to concentrate, which is hard since the accident. I think at some point I will feel like myself, again, maybe. I still starve myself to a point, the eating disorder is a hard thing to kick. I tell myself,if people see me eating, they won't ask questions. I like things that way, not their business anyways. My body, my life. Well that is enough for now. ttyl. <3 Taaury